Breakin' Up is Hard To Do

A mere few evenings ago, I experienced a re-organzing frenzy. As a whirling domestic dervish caught up in religious ecstasy (I was moving just about as fast and in as many circles), I felt it necessary to "ground" myself with a few pod-casts that otherwise, I never would have made the time to listen to. I happened upon a brilliant episode of Doreen Virtue's show on Hay House Radio, and listened to her offer a caller advice. The caller was a woman, and after she received guidance from Doreen regarding her vocational direction, she asked a question regarding a relationship. "I'm waiting for things to change," she said. "I don't know what to do. I love him, but..."

Doreen gently leveled with her, explaining that yes, it was a complex and painful situation. But then, she asked the caller a question: "Would you stay in this if you knew that he would never change?" There was a brief interlude of silence. "Uh, no, I don't think so. No, I wouldn't," she finally decided. The caller then started to quietly cry into the receiver (and over the air). Doreen, being the ever-nurturing counselor that she is, soothed the caller and told her "there's your answer."

I had listened to hours of this radio show that evening, and I had heard a myriad of interesting scenarios unloaded over the air. This one, however, stopped me in my tracks. I put the IKEA shelving piece down and blew the hair away from my face. I started running through the Rolodex of "what do I wish would be different" in my life. I didn't come up with anything too major, but there were a few situations that I was waiting to either extinguish, allow to blossom further, or to let die a long, slow, painful death. Anyway you cut it, though, I was waiting for something to change. I asked myself the question that Doreen posited. I then considered Eckhart Tolle's infinitely wise advice about situations we are uncomfortable experiencing: we either change them, leave them, or accept them. "Anything else is insanity." Insanity being that which we often espouse: wait for them/it to change, hope that they/it will, imagine that things are not what they are, day-dream about what it would be like if there was a metamorphosis, and drive ourselves batty devising ways to change everyone and everything else but our own perception of, and reaction to, the situation.

When faced with a decision that has you waffling over whether you should wait until things improve or leave before more precious time is invested and more disappointment felt, know that the answer lies in the cradle of another, bigger inquiry: "If you knew things wouldn't change, would you still submit yourself to the present scenario/person/circumstance?" There lies all the truth, for therein lies a maxim: the only thing we can control is ourselves. Make your decisions from there, because
much in life is a calculated risk, like love, political negotiations, and IKEA furniture assemblage.